There is a lot in the male story about conquering. For me, conquering is not about being in an army and defeating an enemy. Conquering for me is about accomplishment and conquering certain goals. I think that is part of the male psyche.
I have chosen to be an intuitive healer. With my insight, my connection and my understanding of life beyond just what is out there in the world, I get to know, understand and see that I don’t have to live by the standards or the goals that society sets. But rather, I have the choice to set the goals, standards and accomplishments for myself. I don’t have to rely on society’s standards for what makes a man a man. This brings me a lot of freedom. I don’t have to define myself by anyone else’s rules. I get to choose for myself. The freedom is a bit scary because in ways I can defy convention. But I don’t have to live up to a rigid standard of society that doesn’t suit me. That is very freeing.
Society and the world are changing so rapidly right now. People don’t even know what the rules are. That is why a lot of people are lost and searching and seeking, especially men. Men’s roles are changing more rapidly than anyone else’s. In that culture of seeking, people want to know what the standard is now and what’s the next thing they have to live up to. This is a never ending circle or wheel.
For a few years, I had a period myself to seek who I was as a man since I lost my 20 year career in advertising sales which I was so entrenched in. I felt very lost when this career suddenly ended. I kept asking myself, Who am I as a man? What does it mean to be a man? I was starting to understand and know that I was setting for myself those standards, goals and accomplishments I wished to conquer. These days, I don’t listen to what others would tell me about what I need to be doing or what it looks like to be a man. I am a bit of a pioneer in this way, and sometimes being a pioneer feels lonely. But people who have stepped out of the norm and led or settled new ways of thinking and doing things have paved the way for others.
What do I have to share with other men? My answer: There isn’t just one way or one ideal to live up to or to follow to be a man. Please take a moment and ask yourself, What does it mean to me? How do I want to show up? How do I want to express myself as male? When you throw off all of those conventions and all of those “shoulds” that society tells you, you find that freedom and you live from that sense of purpose and sense of fulfillment. You certainly still have goals to set for yourself and accomplishments to achieve. But you get to set them. No one else does.
There are a lot of men in my sphere already who may not understand what I am about, but they admire me for sticking to my guns. They think they could never do what I am doing because they have a lot of fear. They think Alex is really not giving this up. He is really sticking to it. He is serious. Wow, he is pretty brave. I could never do that. Well, they actually could, but they just won’t allow themselves to have their own definition of what it is to be a man. Maybe for some, their definition of a man is showing up to a job every day from 9 – 5 and killing it at work. That’s okay if that is what they truly think.
So many men live by others’ expectations. Who set those expectations? They were set by their fathers and their male ancestors going back many generations. But who decided that this is the way it should be? Did their fathers and male ancestors stop and ask themselves where those expectations came from? This is what I would like to teach other men. Is that what it really means to you to be a man? Ask yourself internally, Does this feel right? Does this feel like me? Or does this feel like a costume I put on every day because that is what society expects?
What does society look like and expect now? Is it that a man is supposed to bring home the bacon? Society is very fluid right now. I tell other men that I can’t look outward but need to look inward and see what makes sense for me. Finding that freedom and then living from there is what makes sense for me. For example, some men might say that they really want to be there for their kids or that they want to be able to climb a mountain. That is what’s going to fulfill them. This internal look and internal searching is very important. I know first hand that living from there is so much more fulfilling than putting on a costume and doing what others expect a man should do. I spent two decades of my life entrenched in a career I never really liked or wanted. Although I was excellent at my job, I chose a career my father had wanted for me. I am so much more happy in my career as an energy healer. I am using my gift of intuition and it feels amazing to be helping other people. I love what I do.
I am very curious. What does it mean to you to be a man? It’s not a question men think about much. I know this is a weird question. It was wacky for me when I first started to think about it. But I am very happy to talk about it with you either one on one or in a group. Exchanging our ideas and energy often occurs best when we are in a circle where we can share back and forth. Is size and stature really important to be a man? Or is it important to be true to yourself, to your beliefs, and to your feelings? Size does not make you mighty or powerful. It’s your conviction, your beliefs and living up to what you know for yourself is true.
There are so many men out there seeking the answer to the question, Who am I? A lot of men identify themselves with their job. But what happens when that job is taken away as economies and powers shift? There is a lot of melting away of jobs these days. If men identify themselves as their job and it’s taken away, then they are bereft. They have no foundation and no pillar. Look internally. Is being a man simply my job? What if I don’t have it anymore? What else is there?
If the answer is yes, I have to kill it in a job, then that’s fine. But it doesn’t really matter what the job is. Don’t tie being a man to one job. Are you simply one dimensional? Can you kill it in anything you did? Everyone is unique. We find similarities or parallels with other men, but we each have something different to offer. I discovered I had this latent talent of intuition. It was really there my whole life but I never paid much attention to it since I was so absorbed in my corporate career. By looking internally, it became clear that I could use this talent and begin a whole new career in healing. I would never have imagined this possible several years ago. The skills from my corporate career allow me to be successful in running my own business. I live my life to the beat of my own drum. This causes some people to scratch their heads, but who cares. I live by my own rules and my own choices.
Who is beating your drum? You or someone else? Whose choices are you living by? Whose rules are you living by? Yours or someone else’s. For some people, it is easier to do what you are told. But if you choose, you have to take responsibility for your choices. You can’t blame someone else. That is scary for a lot of people. But once you get past that fear, the freedom is enormous and immense. Then the freedom from living up to other people’s expectations or obligations is amazing. Be yourself. Choose your path and be committed to it. Just believe that you are worth it.