My Dad passed away on Easter Sunday this year. April 1st, 2018 was a day I will never forget. Even though my Dad was in bad health for much of the past decade, his passing was sudden and unexpected. He was routinely in and out of hospital for years, but it was a shock when he finally passed away. Dad was actually cleared by the hospital to return back to the nursing home when things suddenly took a turn for the worse. He had been battling osteomyelitis for a year. It finally caught up to him.
One minute I was planning Dad’s transportation back to the nursing home, and the next minute I was asked by doctors to decide whether or not to amputate his legs since the bone infection in both feet had spread up. His chances of surviving that type of operation were slim. As Power of Attorney for my Dad’s health, I had to make that decision. I let nature take its course and Dad passed away within a few days. The sight of my Dad’s pale white face, his jaw dropped wide open and his glazed eyes was a death image etched on my mind at the hospital. Nothing seemed to prepare me for that.
As a son, I grew up being taken care of by my parents. Somewhere along the way I became part of the sandwich generation. I was raising my own two children with my wife while looking after my aging parents. For several years now, I had the responsibility of looking after my Dad while he lived at his home or was in hospital. I often felt like my Dad’s life was in my hands. There were many tough decisions along the way and I did not want to make a mistake. Although I truly believed that I always did the best job I could for my Dad, it seemed like no matter what I decided for him, his health was getting much worse anyway. That was frustrating for me and felt out of my control.
Honestly, my Dad and I never had a great relationship. I knew he loved me and wanted the best for me, but somehow our two lives were constantly surrounded by tension with each other. We were very alike in many ways and quite different from each other too. For much of my life, I was quite angry with my Dad. But I would never have wished such a painful last few years for him or such suffering in his final days.
Nobody likes to lose a parent. There was now this odd feeling in my life as if my Dad and I had become untethered from each other. It was like I was a helium balloon which my Dad let go of and I was floating up aimlessly in the sky. I was so involved with his care for many years, that with his passing, I now felt lost, alone, ungrounded, sad and angry all at the same time. The immediate days and weeks following his death were consumed with planning the funeral and dealing with various administrative matters. Things happened very quickly and there was so much to do that I barely had time to reflect and grieve. Although I was glad that my Dad’s suffering had finally ended, I would often feel overwhelmed by the grief.
People would say to me that things will settle with time. They said I would eventually feel better and get over it. But I am an intuitive person who works as an energy healer, and I know that time alone cannot heal everything. Although I have this unique talent to help others heal, I was in no way immune or exempt from the grief of this experience. After three months, I finally decided to tackle my grief head on. I sought the help of someone who practices group psychotherapy for grief and is also an energy healer. In the span of four Monday nights in the month of July, I made much progress. I met other people who were also grieving the loss of a parent. We shared a lot together and it was very helpful for me in overcoming my grief. I learned a lot about myself, my Dad and how I was not alone. Other people were going through the exact same thing. The grief group counselling really worked. I also did a few one on one energy healing sessions which helped me feel emotionally balanced and grounded.
By facing my grief in these ways, when August came around (and what would have been my Dad’s 85th birthday), I could finally celebrate his life at a festive lunch with my own family. The shock and emotional roller coaster I had lived with for the months of April, May and June were eased in July. By August and September, I felt more at peace with my Dad’s life and his passing. My wife and I could focus on our two children heading back to school, and as a family we were optimistic about the year ahead.
In my day to day work, I help other people grieve the loss of a loved one during my energy healing sessions. But no experience could ever have been more valuable to me than actually experiencing that loss myself. There is nothing shameful in experiencing grief and taking the steps to overcome it. Death is a part of life. We all grieve the loss of someone close to us at some point. Hoping grief will go away on its own over time is not the answer. The passing of my Dad will always be a part of me for the rest of my life, but not a big part of me anymore.
I would encourage you to reach out to me for help. My gift of energy healing can ease the burden of your grief. I was even reluctant at first to seek help when my Dad passed away. Maybe it’s due to cultural expectations of how a man is supposed to deal with grief. But I am very glad I faced it head on. I am also very happy to share my story with you and hope that it helps guide you to overcome your grief.